Saturday, August 21, 2010

Evil Exes Everywhere...A Narrative

[That title so awesomely alliterates, it's beyond amazing.]
But any who;

I sometimes feel like the past has a very strange way of creeping up into my present.
Let me get something out of the way before I continue; sometimes, when Mr. Flintstone feels like it, he can be an utter tool. There, I said it. It doesn't mean I love him any less--I've Never loved anyone (un-related) so much in my entire life. The thing about Mr. Flintstone being a tool is that he's my tool. So it makes it okay.

I'll just jump into the story now.

So a particularly embarrassing blast from my past stopped off in San Antonio for an interview. Our back story was:
Once upon a time, I was a miserable person. (Once upon a time=Sophomore year of college) I had this terrible boyfriend I wanted to dump but couldn't. Terrible boyfriend was always cheating which had the adverse affect of making me want to stay with him because I felt like I had something to prove. I met really cool class friend (present day blast from my past) in a cool class. We had a lot in common and despite the fact that I was miserable, he tolerated me and did everything he could to make me happy. Really Cool Class Friend helped me kick Terrible Boyfriend to the curb.
He was now Terrible Ex-Boyfriend. & He lived up to that very title.
Did I mention Really Cool Class Friend had a drinking problem? No?
Well, Really Cool Class Friend had a drinking problem.
--> A severe one for someone who was barely 20.
With Terrible Boyfriend out of the way, Really Cool Class Friend and I became more than friends.
So then he was my Really Cool Class More-Than-Friend.
But Terrible Boyfriend had a special power of getting into my head by flaunting his new super skeezes in my face.
Jealousy and Pride were my weaknesses. Inevitably, I took back Terrible Boyfriend.
That left me in an awkward position with Really Cool Class Used-to-be-More Than Friend.
Because, you know, I still had to see him in class.
& our class was going to Spring Break in London together.
There were non-refundable tickets and reservations involved.

Really Cool Class Used-to-be More Than Friend was hurt by my actions.
He turned to alcohol to help ease this hurt.
When Really Cool Class Used-to-be More Than Friend drank, he became something else entirely.
Like the transformation that occurs when Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry...You won't like him when he's angry.
[Because he becomes The Hulk] But anyway,
Really Cool Class Used-to-be More Than Friend got really trashed one night and became Drunk Monster.

Drunk Monster called me multiple times that evening and left messages on my voicemail calling me racial slurs and threatening to kill me.
& even though Drunk Monster was the culprit and Really Cool Class Used-to-be More Than Friend didn't really remember it, I was hurt and scared.
So he became Really Cool Class Not Friends Anymore.

It took two years for me to realize that, at that time, I was not even myself.
I was actually this terrible person, a terrible person I'd like to call Super Sulk.
Super Sulk did a lot of stupid, selfish, jealousy-induced things & was a masochist.
Super Sulk wanted to destroy me and only leave behind a sad shell of a person.

[& she would have succeeded, too, if I'd never been arrested and realized how truly miserable I was as Super Sulk...story for another day, perhaps.]

So when I realized how reckless I'd been with Really Cool Class Not Friends Anymore's feelings, I sent him an email to apologize. True to his nature, Really Cool Class Not Friends Anymore was really cool about it. And he went back to being Really Cool Class Friend.

Then he came to San Antonio for a job interview and invited me out.
I didn't have plans to look cute but as our meeting time drew nearer, I found myself doing my makeup and putting on heels...(and pants because my legs weren't shaved and there wasn't enough time).
& I realized Really Cool Class Friend was now a Blast from my Past.
& I wanted to impress him with my dazzling good looks and nice manners (and also, my un-athleticism which I proudly displayed during a game of 301 darts).

The bar across the street from my apartment was closed early because it was a weekday, so Blast from my Past took me to a bar close to the UTSA campus.
Walking into the bar, who should be the first person I see?
It was none other than Hot Asian Girl from Killeen! *Dun Dun Dun*

[Note: This is the part where me mentioning Mr. Flintstone's toolish ways comes into play.]

Once upon a time, Mr. Flintstone flirted online with Hot Asian Girl from Killeen.
When I confronted him about being a tool, he said
a) Hot Asian Girl from Killeen was a friend from Church
b) Neither he nor Hot Asian Girl from Killeen had feelings for eachother
c) He was proving a point because I (allegedly) was guilty of flirting online, as well.

& I took his word because the flirting was actually more like conversation & I probably was flirting online without thinking much of it.

But anyway, I still couldn't help but feel like Hot Asian Girl from Killeen and I were about to interface and a little versus sign would manifest between us.-->We didn't. It didn't.

This caused me to realize how small the world is.
In Central Texas.

During my Super Sulk days, I also dated a villain I like to call, Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey.
Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey liked to tell me that he was out of my league because he was so much wiser and sophisticated at 25 than I was 19. <--which was precisely how old we were when we flung.
When Super Sulk realized that even in her present misery, she was (or would grow up to be) better than anything Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey would ever deserve, she dropped him like it was hot.
Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey continued pursuing me after that because boys only want toys they can't play with.
Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey also had a girlfriend briefly who I saw at Law School Orientation.
Apparently, she's going to be a member of my graduating class at the same school.
But not in my same section, phew.
I smiled at Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey's ex-girlfriend when we made awkward eye-contact.
She did not respond correspondingly.

& I realized Chubby Wannabe from New Jersey's ex-girlfriend probably saw us squaring off with a versus sign manifesting between us (maybe not exactly, I dunno whether she's seen Scott Pilgrim yet, or if she has whether she's super cool like me & has Scott Pilgrim based daydreams).

I think, even if we're not evil, per se, we all might be someone's evil ex and consequently, considered a threat to our past lover's current lovers.

Hot Asian Girl from Killeen probably did nothing wrong, she's probably even a nice girl.
<--But I still don't like her.

Anyway, I guess that's my point.
When I started writing this post, I had a whole other direction I intended to take this but now we've gotten miserably off course...


  1. hmm..this sounds so incredibly interesting. Especially the part about blast from the past and being head and heals better than previous "flings". well i would love to offer you a bit of insight. Life is far too short to fret over insignificant things and potentially embarrassing factual outcomes. The truth being no matter how comical or comic-book like your daydreams may be always try to differentiate them from reality. Your first and probably most potentially damning error was confusing yourself on how events truly occurred. To be so demeaning as to call another individual a juvenile and quite frankly incorrect nomenclature is to belittle yourself in the process. Whether you like to, like the busiest little bee, jump from Mr. Flinstone to chubby wanna be from New Jersey your simply placing yourself in a situation that truly and unequivocally reeks of attention deprivation. In part, do to the years besmirched inadequacies , adolescent angst leading to the uneventful series of unfortunate events called your "relationships." We tend to defame our past "situations" at the click of a keyboard, but it speaks volume when you tend to be the one that cant get passed the granulate wall. How does one deal with the pressure of waking up every morning embedded in the grain of their own idiocy? Your cross to bare I am sure. With that being said, i would like to be the 1st person to apologize for feeding this monster, I truly wish you better and potentially recover from this ill fated path you've succumb to. We at times find ourselves in the fine line of dreams and reality, to which you'd rather lie in dreams than walk in reality, i hope your journey finds you well.

  2. I really appreciate your input; it's always wonderful to get someone else's perspective on my writing.
    The intent of this post was to poke fun at situations that have been personnally painful experiences I've had to grow from.--If you noticed, I also made fun of myself for my years of "besmirched inadequacies" and "adolescent angst" and aptly named that period of life. I'm not that person anymore.
    Why this struck you so personnally that you chose to leave me a comment and so feed the monster that is my ego, I'm not sure. I must have struck a chord.
    But I don't care to spend more time writing or thinking about it; if you don't like my writing or my stories, you don't have to come to my blog. Apparently though, there is some underlying insecurity in you that compelled you to write such a long (if grammatically incorrect and incoherent) and insulting comment. That cross is YOURS to bear, I think rather highly of myself.
    But anyway, I think the most appropriate maxim for this situation is: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.