Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Things that go bump in the night. It's just me

The problem is I've seen way too many horror films.

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of the dark, but I don't like being in it.

No lie, this stems from the time I was in the 5th grade & BEGGED my mom to let me watch The Exorcist. <--That shit fucked me up for life. I was fourteen before I could sleep without a night light &, even still, I chose to sleep with the tv on. I still do unless I'm with Mr. Flintstone who's not so big on background noise, infomercials, or TV Land re-runs; so I guess there goes the allure of evening television.

Two weeks ago when our apartment caught on fire, a big sign that something was wrong was when we turned on our dryer, all of our power went out & wouldn't come back on.

There was also a little smoke and some crackling noises coming from the walls, but the power outage preceded everything.

Last night, as I bathed, the power went out.

Shakespeare was napping on the pink shag rug in my bathroom and I kept looking over to see if he was as nervous as I was. Turns out, he wasn't. In fact, he just kept napping.

It's not the dark itself so much that bothers me as the fact that my over-active imagination scares me into thinking something could be lurking in the shadows. Under this pretense, I payed particular attention to Shakespeare because man, that dog loves to bark. At everything. So I knew any potential dead Japanese women hiding in my closet would set Shakespeare off on a barking spree the moment she should start slithering or throat moaning.
I am, of course, referring to The Grudge.
On a side note, once, as part of a practical joke, I made that really gutteral creepy moaning noise the dead girl makes in the movie at Mr. Flintstone. Like first thing when he woke up. He was like, "That would be scary." & I was like, "That movie scared you, too?" and then he was like, "What movie?"
So I guess it would scare him if I woke up & first thing in the morning made one really long belch while maintaining eye contact. Weirdo.

But anyway, so as long as Shakespeare wasn't barking, I figured I'd just continue sitting in the tub and wait for the breaker to trip again and start back the power.
After 20 minutes, my ass was starting to prune & still no power. & then I remembered the fire. Either the ass-wrinkling or the threat of imminent fiery death (& I'm not sure which) finally motivated me to get out of the tub after half an hour of waiting and put on my big girl panties...literally.

5 minutes later, I was standing up against the hall way wall listening for any evident crackling sounds.
I slammed my face into the door frame and knocked my knees into a few desks and tables for good measure as I came back into my bedroom to call maintenance.

The lady running the apartment's on-call line wasn't much help...
I'm eighty percent certain she forgot about me since I called thrice (that's three times) between 1 am and 2:30 and when I woke up for class this morning the power STILL wasn't on.

Let me tell you, my apartment without the power, even on a stormy San Antonio night in September was hotter than the devil's balls if he was wearing leather pants in Texas July. He'd have to slather baby powder all over his groin to keep from chaffing.
It was fucking hot.

Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to light some candles and finish up studying. I got all my stuff done & eventually fell asleep with my face in a torts book.
When I woke up this morning, I felt good about conquering my fear of the dark, although, I was pretty excited to get the power back in time to do my makeup for class.
I was still feeling good, if a little tired, while I sat in class today.
Until the power went out in the middle of lecture.

The kid next to me: "Who's touching me?"
Me: "Shh...Hold me. I'm scared."

In my own defense, it totally could've been a tornado which is a rational fear; this is fucking Texas.

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