Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Time I Rented SATC

The day I rented Sex & The City, the movie, was a memorable one.

Not because it launched me into an obsessive desire to watch the entirity of the show's 6 seasons back to back and finish almost all conversations with the phrase, "I really am like Carrie."
Not because it forced me to look at other women and label them as Samanthas or Charlottes.

-->It totally did both of those things.
But neither of those are the reasons why that particular day stands out in my memory...

The I rented Sex & The City is forever burned into my memory because that day is the day I made a Blockbuster sales associate faint.

The day in question, I took on the mammoth task of making spaghetti alone.
Reader, I know you're probably thinking that making spaghetti is not's actually like the EASIEST thing you can make.
& that would be because, unlike me, you, my dear friend, are not prone to catastrophy while performing even the simplest of tasks.

I, on the other hand, am a walking and breathing magnet for disaster.
As such, when I was making spaghetti, I cut my index finger trying to remove the little tin tie around the end of the ground beef. I'm not even sure how I did it.
All I know is for such a small little cut, that sucker liked to bleed.

I tried bandaging it but it bled through 3 band-aids in a row. So instead I took a clean rag and applied pressure until it stopped and I was able to finish cooking.
Once done, I decided to go around the corner to rent a movie.

Perusing the Blockbuster aisles, my finger started throbbing. I decided to apply pressure by nibbling the tip of my finger while I walked around.
I saw the SATC display but with no dvds for rent so I went to the check out counter to ask if they had any that just hadn't been reshelved.

In all that time that I was nibbling my index finger, I didn't notice the blood dripping down my chin and arms or the resevoir of blood that accumulated on my shirt.
So when I approached the counter to ask about SATC, the poor guy who was working looked up and unexpectedly saw this:

Or something like it.

The guy fainted.
& I still didn't understand why.

So I started screaming, "Oh my God, Oh my God! Somebody Help! The guy fainted! The guy who works here! I don't know what to do!"

& the other sales associate who was in the back of the store came rushing up.
Instead of addressing the guy laying on the floor, the associate comes up to me and goes, "Oh my God! Are you okay?"
& I'm like, "Yes, I'm fine. But this guy just fainted out of nowhere!"
The guy is staring at me like I'm stupid and he's like, "you're covered in blood!"
Me: "I'm covered in...?" and that's the part where I looked down and noticed my blood drenched shirt and my still gushing finger squirting blood onto the thighs of my jeans.
I was, indeed, covered in blood.

The associate who's not unconscious runs to the back of the counter and grabs a first aid kit, he then takes me to the employee restroom and hands over the kit.

I cleaned off my arms, face, and hands and wrapped up my finger. When I came out, both of the associates were standing behind the counter waiting for me.
The one who fainted cleared his throat, "ahem. I uh, I found that copy of Sex & The City you wanted."
Me: "Oh really? Thanks that's great. I'll just go ahead and pay now so I can get home."
Associate 1: "Okay so it's 3.99 and due back on Tuesday."
Associate 2: "Are you okay? Are you sure you don't want us to call an ambulance? It's no trouble."
Me: "Haha, no really, I'm fine. I just pricked myself a little while ago and I guess it wasn't done bleeding. You know, making spaghetti."
Associates both cock their heads to the left in confusion.
Me: "K, well, have a good night! Sorry about bleeding all over your store and making you faint. I left the first aid kit on the bathroom counter."
And then I tried my best to not run out of the store.

1 comment:

  1. hahaha! that is funny. I need to make my blog funny instead of super emo. Thats it! I'm changing it soon!