Reader(s), before I jump into this one, I'd like to open with my infamous signature start: an apology for not being here in awhile. As it were, law school is really hard so I've got a lot less time for stuff.
That last statement, I feel, is a great way to get into tonight's post.
Maybe it's not an expectation, per se, but the way I've lived the better part of these 23 years is just winging it; it's pretty safe to say that most of what I do is just go with the flow--I let things happen & deal with the outcome in the same way.
Until now; law school does not fuck around. You can't go with the flow without drowning.
& in that respect, my expectations have changed--my expectations that I'd always be good at school without applying myself, my expectations to keep just floating through existence, and my expectations that Shakespeare would always have testicles.
Shakespeare's balls have like nothing to do with anything that was going on up there but I wasn't really sure how I was going to tie it all in.
So anyway...yes, Shakespeare's balls.
Before Shakespeare and I moved into an apartment, we never really had a problem. He knew our old house in College Station and never peed in it because it was he knew we lived there. After 3 months in our apartment, I'm not sure that Shakespeare realizes we are going to be here indefinitely...or at least for the next three years. What I'm getting at is he marks his territory Everywhere and although I've been fighting having to get him neutered, I'm also tired of scrubbing urine out of the carpet.
As a matter of fact, I've been so stressed out about Shakespeare's bad habits that I didn't take him with me when I went to see Mr. Flintstone this past weekend.
And speaking of expectations, Mr. Flintstone and I haven't fought in a really long time and I unrealistically expected (or hoped) to ride this good streak out forever.
But that's the thing about expectations.
We fought. And it's reasonably safe to say neither of us had ever been that angry with eachother.
I won't name the proximate cause of our argument (I'm not particularly in the mood to immortalize our worst moment online only to relive it every time I see this post) but it was big.
I actually stormed out for a whole 20 minutes. haha
And even though we patched things up before I left Monday morning, I couldn't stop thinking about the whole thing and wondering if I'd ever really move past it or whether, like every thing else in my life, I'd just indifferently let it slide by.
Monday at school, I talked to a lot of my friends and the one thing I heard the most was, "If you want to be with [Mr. Flintstone] you've got to learn to let some things go." & usually, the women followed up with, "Trust me, I've had to overlook a lot to be with (fill in boyfriend's name)."
Still thinking about it this morning, I realized that our argument was two people equally upset. It dawned on me at that moment that I might not be the only one letting things go--Mr. Flintstone has to overlook my behavior, as well.
And both of us have to deal with the fact that our expectations for our relationship are going to change as we learn more about each other. That's what happens.
But maybe that's what loving someone is about; learning, adapting, moving forward, and letting go of the things that are slowing you down.
In Shakespeare's case, his balls are what's slowing him down. (Possibly literally since he only weighs 5 pounds it's likely he'll be a lot lighter without them.)