Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Facebook Ruins Lives

I mean maybe not really, really.

My best friend's boyfriend posted today that he cheated on an exam. He was probably joking.

But anyway, another of our friends commented, "Your teacher is looking at your facebook right now."

& I laughed before remembering the many times I've found myself in a similar situation.
Be prepared, a list of memories is about to ensue:

Most Recent:
I met a guy at the club. He was in VIP & he was tall & handsome & athletic looking & carrying around a bottle of Grey Goose. (& I'm going to be honest, I thought he was in the NBA. But anyway)
He asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no.
He asked for my number, I gave it to him.
& then I was like, "So how old are you?"
& he's like, "I'm 20."
& I was like. "Oh." Because I'm 23 & I'm kind of too old to date a 20 year old but not like old enough that it's cool or trendy. I'm too young to be a cougar.
But I'd just given this guy my number so I had to find something good about him.
So I asked, "What do you do?"
& he's like, "I'm a promoter for this club."
& I'm like, "Oh. Cool. So do you go to school out here?"
& he's like, "No. I'm an R&B singer. What do you do?"
& I was like, "I go to law school. {& then I awkwardly sipped my drink} Well, it was cool meeting you. I've got to go; I cut my foot & my shoe's filling up with blood." <--& yes, I did steal that from Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion.

So like the guy texts me a little while later & I don't even remember what it said but I know he spelled the as "da."
Readers, I can't put into words how much I hate when people purposely write in ebonics & aren't being sarcastic or ironic. It just makes no sense to me that anyone would go out of their way to seem illiterate. Ick.
But anyway, so I decided right then that this just wasn't going to work.
& here's the stupid part.
I facebooked about it. I changed my status to something like,
"you can tell a lot about a person from their texts; potential mates get cut for spelling the as da."
& I felt so clever and sassy...& THEN THE GUY FOUND ME.
so like he texts me in the morning & is like, "Oh, so you're a smart girl, huh?"
& I was like, "I wouldn't necessarily say that. Why?"
& he's like, "I'm just looking at your facebook."

There was another time my final semester at A&M when I had to switch into an art class after the semester had already began.
& then like, the day I was supposed to start going to that art class I didn't go.
Not only did I not go; I facebooked about it.
My status that day was something to the tune of: Lauren just decided to skip class today.
& then my professor found me on facebook & asked if I was planning to skip the next class day too.

My mom tried to add me on facebook but I ignored her & pretended like I never recieved her friend request.
My brother didn't ignore her request though, & in honor of his new facebook friendship with our mother, he changed his facebook status to read,
"When I say my testicles resemble a sack of potatoes I mean it as a good thing."

Our mommy must be SO proud.

Anyway, I think the moral of this story is either not to post things on facebook that may make you look like an ass OR that I should update my privacy settings...


  1. lmfao. Wow, I laughed so hard at this one. I can't even begin to tell you how many times facebook has ruined my life like that. Definitely not as funny as you and the club guy though!

  2. Haha, thanks Lexa.
    I think posting something you immediately regret on facebook is the new drunk phone call. haha

  3. I'm usually pretty good with privacy settings on Facebook, but not so good with remembering the "mute" button during teleconferences at work... let's just say there's a lot of shit talking in the Army, and people usually let you finish before telling you that you have a "hot mic."