Tuesday, January 18, 2011
All He Ever Dreamt Of
We went to this really great Vietnamese place around the corner.
The name of this place? Pho.
[pronounced like fa-->rhymes with "uh"; & to think, I took an entire semester of linguistics AND made a B.]
I love making puns. The fact that this place is just named pho prompts me to make all kinds of shameless puns on this place. For example,
"What's the name of this place? Pho' Sho'/ What the Pho/ Pho King Vietnamese?"
Any way, some other useful information before I actually begin this post is that my brother & his lady love have a strange way of communicating; you'll see what I mean.
Scene: having pho at Pho, earlier today.
Girlfriend: Aww, look at that couple over there... I think it's their first date.
Brother: I wonder if she's going to tell him to hit it from the back.
Girlfriend: I did NOT say that. I would never say "hit it from the back."
Brother: But you did.
Me: You two are disgusting.
Brother: Have you ever thought about what your vagina would sound like if it could talk?
Me: I read the vagina monologues.
Brother (to girlfriend): A cute vagina would be all like, (whispers) "Hey, how are you?" But yours is like, "NIGGA WHAT'S UP?" You have a black man's vagina.
Girlfriend: That...doesn't even make sense.
Me: Yeah, it really doesn't.
---Asian waiter with faux-hawk brings my bubble tea.---
Me: Hey, I just thought of another name for this place: pho hawk. haha. No one else laughed...I thought it was funny.
Girlfriend: It really wasn't. It was stupid.
Me: But like what if all the waiters had faux-hawks?
Girlfriend: Still stupid.
Me: Just like your face.
Me: Just like your vagina.
Girlfriend: Are you saying my vagina's stupid because it speaks ebonics?
Me: Don't put words in my mouth, wench!
Girlfriend: YOUR vagina's stupid!
Me: Omigosh, PLEASE don't talk about my vagina in front of my brother. You're sick. You need help.
Brother: One of my female students just texted me; she asked if I like chocolate.
Brother: She's Black.
Me: You think she's flirting?
Brother: She bites her lip at me in class.
Me: What are you going to say?
Brother: (texting) I already responded. I said chocolate makes me thirsty.
Me: Good one. (Girlfriend's phone vibrates)
Brother: Who's that? Darjeeling Limited?
Girlfriend: Oh my God, shut up.
Me: Who's Darjeeling Limited?
Brother: He's a guy [girlfriend] went on a date with.
Girlfriend: I never went on a date with him. He's one of the residents at my complex & he asked me out once; I said no.
Brother: You only said no because you knew it was only a matter of time before you got tired of drinking slurpees & free movie rentals.
Me: Is this guy like South Asian or something?
Girlfriend: No, he's American.
Brother: He's American, but his parents flew here on a rug.
Me: I'm not going to lie, that was pretty witty.
Girlfriend: Hey, we need to stop for gas on the way back.
Brother: Call Darjeeling Limited--I'm sure he's got the hook up.
& as the potty mouth chatter continued, I imagined this was Dr. King's dream--two Puerto Ricans & a white girl eating at a Vietnamese restaurant & exchanging politically incorrect statements. I mean, what more could he have asked for?***
***Actually, I'm just joking. I think Dr. King's contributions to this world are limitless & not to be undermined & I'm pretty sure that conversation was ESPECIALLY wrong on MLK day.