So basically, it's like this:
On our first date, I remember packing all these cute clothes. I got to Darlene's, unpacked, & all I had was black tank tops & jeans? I didn't even remember to pack my hair brush, deodorant, or toothpaste.
I'd lost my ability focus & I knew I was in trouble.
Maybe it didn't hit me right then and there when I unpacked.
But something came crashing into me when I heard you ringing the door bell; when I heard you walking into the house--I was frozen.
I had to pep talk myself out of the room.
I had to stop in the hall and catch my breath before I said hi to you.
& that had never happened before.
I knew it when we sat down to eat & I was too embarassed to order.
Everything on the menu seemed dangerous:
what if it gives me gas?
what if it makes my breath stink?
what if the spinach gets stuck in my teeth & I don't realize it until hours from now?
I knew I was in trouble a month later when I lit candles to my guardian angel, begging her to give me the strength to tell you no.
I knew I was in trouble as I occupied the space next to you in my bed, knowing that candle was doing nothing but burning.
I knew I was in trouble when, one by one, characteristic by characteristic, my idea of the perfect man began to diminish.
Some girls make lists. & I was once one of them.
But slowly my idea of the perfect guy become just one thing
one single thing: you.
You're my list.
& I know this is super mushy & girl-tastic
& you probably HATE it because you're SUCH a man.
But consider this all my fancy way of saying that I'd rather be arguing with you over your *shitty* taste in movies than be watching all the GREAT movies I like with someone who's not you.
I'd rather be in your bed listening to you have food poisoning from the chorizo at Whataburger than be in bed with someone who's not you.
&, if I've learned anything in the past week, it's that I'd rather be watching you play video games, or suffering through mini golf with you, or hanging out in your apartment waiting for you to get off work
than be at the beach without you.
Doing the most mundane things with you is great because I'm with you.
& that's how I know that nearly two years later, I'm still in trouble.