Friday, March 25, 2011

Friends with Cookies

I've been meaning to write about spring break but law school was a mess last week.
Actually, I SHOULD be studying right this very minute, but I'm abdicating my responsibilities for the moment because, as my very good friend, Josef, pointed out, I've been only sporadically posting on my twitter and blog.

I'd like to come back with a bang & tell you about a very specific spring break 2011 memory.

It was a Sunday. The whole house was awake and I was in bed studying.
My friend, Bor, who was stashing his things in my room but sleeping in the condo's living room knocked and came in to grab some things for his shower.
"You're up studying?"
"I have to, man."
"You're on spring break, why don't you let your hair down a little?"
"There's no time for that. Plus, I am letting my hair down by being here."
"Well, I hope you don't let spring break slide past you. We're in South Padre, it's nice out. You're with all your friends. You should change into your bikini, come down stairs & grab a beer."
"Okay, I'll be right down." But I kept typing away.
Bor fumbled through his duffle bag, "Hey, do you want a cookie? It's the breakfast of champs."
"Cookie? What kind of cookie?"
"Chocolate chip, I made them myself." And he handed over a chunky specimen of perfection.
Cookies are my soft spot.
"Thanks, Bor." I broke off a piece of the chewy corner and put it in my mouth. "This is a pretty good cookie. When did you make these?"
"Just before we drove up here. I figured I'd get hungry on the road. I'm going to shower now but by the time I get out, you better be outside being social or I will come up here and turn your computer off."
"Haha, okay. I will."

& I did.
 I came down just as Bor had finished his shower and descending the stairs, heard him talking to Stones. "Look man, it's not that I'm being stingy. It's just that until I know how she's going to react, I probably shouldn't be giving them to everyone. I gave her the whole cookie & in retrospect, that probably wasn't a good idea. We should wait & see how she handles it & then once we know, we can all eat one before we go out."
I had this really uncomfortable feeling that Bor was talking about me, "hey guys. What are you two talking about?"
Stones: "You better tell her, man. Before that shit hits her blood stream and she starts freaking out."
Me: "Tell me what?"
Bor: "Okay, try not to freak out but like that cookie was not just a cookie... It was special."
Me: "What? Special? Special how?!"
Bor: "I just wanted you to have a good time and forget about school for a little while. Just chill out & enjoy it."
Me: "...You fed me drugs?"
Bor: "It sounds so bad when you say it like that. Look, I did you a favor. Just relax. We're all going to the beach in a little & I promise to look after you."
Me: "BOR! I can't believe you! What's going to happen to me?"
Bor: "Calm down. Nothing's going to happen to you. You'll be fine. Just enjoy it."

Is it strange that part of me wanted to cry?
Probably not. Bor told me that some people experience anxiety.

For a few minutes after, I felt like a normal person.
It wasn't until I asked Darlene to braid my bangs back that I realized something was wrong.

Me: "It's weird. Like in real life when you touch me, like...I feel it. But it's like right now, it feels different."
Darlene: "That's because you ate one of Bor's cookies."
Me: "Like, I can feel everything.  Like everytime your leg bumps into my knee, I feel it. & I know I'd feel it either way but like normally I wouldn't be making mental notes of it. But right now it's like 'BAM! She just bumped into me.' It's like heightened."
Darlene: "That's because you ate one of Bor's cookies."
Me: "Did you say that already or did I make that up? Okay but like I feel like you're not understanding me. Everything's so weird."
Darlene: "It's going to be okay. We're going to go to the beach. You're going to dance and get a tan. We'll come home & you can nap before we go out."
Me: *rubbing my hands across my face* "Oh. My. Goooosh. That was such a long list."

Seven minutes later, we were sitting on the curb waiting for a bus to take us to Coca Cola beach.
I was sitting on the asphalt, scooting a pebble around with my index finger when I burst out, "This is taking FOREVER. I thought you said a bus was coming in 10 minutes? It's so warm. If I had a snuggie, I'd take a nap right  here. Why. Didn't. I. Wear. Pants?!?"
Darlene turned around and stroked my hair.
Stones checked his watch, "It's been four minutes. Literally."
Bor scratched his head, "A whole cookie was a bad choice. Now we know."
I suddenly got irritable, "I AM NOT A GUINEA PIG. IamNotaGuineaPig! And you!" I spun to face Darlene and pointed at her, "STOP PETTING ME LIKE I'M A FREAKING GUINEA PIG OR SOMETHING!" I then sat back down & resumed scooting the pebble about.
Bor: "See, Stones, aren't you glad I didn't give a cookie?"

Six minutes later, the bus came. My friends sat in the first two rows which were empty and though I easily could have sat with them, I continued walking until I found a greasy older gentleman sitting by himself. I sat down beside him and stared at him for five minutes without interruption. He was unphazed. Probably because he was too distracted taking pictures of girls walking by in bathing suits on his camera phone. Still staring at him I said, "I...I don't think you've noticed me staring at you this whole time but my throat's super dry; it's like my mouth is full of cotton...or sand. You are SUCH a creep." I said that entire thing super slowly though because I couldn't seem to speak at my normal speed or inflection.

We got off the bus and went to the beach. I spent the entire three hours dazed standing in the crowd. I got super annoyed when people splashed me with beer; it felt like I was being pelted with ice. Which is not normal.
We left the beach, I took a nap & midway through said nap, I got a phone call.
I didn't even recognize the number but for some reason assumed it was my beloved, Mr. Flintstone.
So I'm listening to this person ramble on and on about South By SouthWest and finally stopped them to say,
"Baby, it sounds like you're having so much fun. I miss you, I miss you so much..."
There was silence on the other end.
"Lauren, all you alright?"
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Do you know who this is?"
I pulled the phone back from my ear and checked. I didn't even have the number saved, "...No."
"This is Joey. Who do you think you're talking to?"
"I...I'm really sorry. I'm not myself today. I thought maybe you were my boyfriend because you're calling from a number I don't have saved & the area code is Austin."

& shortly after that conversation, I got ready to go out with my friends.
But I didn't have a good time:

At the end of the night, still not feeling like myself, I crawled into my bed and sent Mr. Flintstone a text:
"Hey you, the beach is great but I'm honestly ready to come back and see your gorgeous face."

To which he endearingly responded, "Are you drunk?"

But three days later, I was ecstatic to see him; and that's not just the cookie talking.
Readers, feast your eyes on the man of my dreams' totally cute back of his head (& his dog).

So that's just one of my spring break stories from this year & there's def at least one more in the making & coming soon.

I think that what I learned from this invaluable experience is that you can't trust friends with cookies who offer them without provocation...because they might secretly be using you as a guinea pig.


  1. What a gorgeous back of head shot!
    Also, I really need to learn to stop reading your blog while around people. I laugh too hard and then people look at me weird...good thing I wasn't in class. =]

  2. Haha thanks! He hates all the "hipster" photos I take of him so he def won't be a fan of this one since he's not even looking into the camera.
    I desperately want to put up an actual picture of him (like with his face and everything) but since I've aired our dirty laundry here for the past year, I'd feel like it's unfair.
    I'm so happy you laugh at my posts...otherwise they'd just be sad. haha. Your blog makes me happy, too. :)
    Hope you had a great quater break & I'm super excited for your Xfactor audition!