Tuesday, May 17, 2011

John Wayne Went to Chile

Reader(s),
I'm going to admit something very embarrassing about myself.
I know, I know--what else is new?
I know absolutely nothing about geography.
True Story: Once, my freshman year of undergrad, someone I was totally crushing on asked me on a date what country I'd most like to visit. My response? --> AFRICA.
Seriously, what's wrong with me? I'm nearly 24 (this June, God willing) & if someone gave me a map of the United States without the state names filled in, I could probably only fill in maybe 20 States correctly. I don't even know the names of all fifty states.
Two true stories:
(a) I know this for a FACT because I once had to do this in my geology lab my senior year of undergrad--we had to fill in state names on a map & then all the geological oddities of the continental U.S.
(b) I once went on a blind date with a guy who plays for the New Jersey Nets & asked him if he liked Detroit... & he was all, "Sure I like it...I guess. It kind of smells funny. Why?" & then before I blurted out something stupid like, "Because it's the capital of New Jersey," I re-evaluated & realized that Detroit is in Michigan & it's not even Michigan's capital (which I totally didn't know until just now but I googled it to be sure).

The other embarrassing thing about me is that I was completely disengaged with reality while in law school this past year. The following picture adequately describes my involvement in the world for the past nine months:
"What? Mariah Carey was pregnant AND had twins?!?"

& every once in a while, I'd pull my long ostrich neck out of the sand to watch Archer or Walking Dead.

Case in point, & the real story behind this post, is this past October when my brother and dad were watching tv and making a fuss over some story on the news. I looked up from my text book;

Me: what's going on?
My dad: They rescued all the miners.
Me: Minors?
My dad: Miners...as in he who works in a mine.
My brother: Like the dwarves from Snow White, Lauren.
Me: Yes thanks, I know what a miner is. Rescued them from what?

----Pause----

My dad: Lauren, they've been down there for months.
Me: What?
My dad: In Chile. They were trapped. The whole world has been working on a plan to rescue them.

& I started watching the story with my family. A few minutes later, the camera panned out into the crowd of enthusiastic people waving Chilean flags.
Me: Why are they waving Texas flags?


My dad: *laughs*
My brother: That's the Chile national flag.
Me: Why is it the same as Texas' flag?
My dad: *laughs louder*
My brother: Because one time John Wayne went to Chile and they really liked him.

Me: ...wait. Is that true?
My dad: *pats my head* Aww, it's so cute how stupid you are.
My brother: Can you go to law school if you failed geography?
Me: That wasn't even a class!


2 comments:

  1. lmfao. Hey, the flags look pretty similar.
    But wow, I'm glad that you didn't reevaluated before you said that Detroit was the capital of NJ.

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  2. They are So similar! lol
    & yes, that was lucky. I'm still in awe sometimes that someone from France knows his American cities better than I do. I blame the budget cuts on public education in Texas.

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