Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Those Who Wait

Whenever I encounter writer's block, it has always been a favorite of mine to say instead that "my creative teet has been sucked dry." I am probably the only person who finds this funny.
& so began the post I am currently writing because I have no intention of NOT writing;
writer's block be damned.
(I've never really known for certain whether it's writer's or writers'. I have the same problem with holidays like Mother's(s') day , Father's(s') day, and Valentine's(s') day. I think the card companies use 's. I am sucking the joy out of this blog just like some unknown force has sucked my teet clean of creativity.)

I've been contemplating posts for nearly 2 weeks. My last post took me over a week to write. I blame laziness.
But seriously, I've been actively searching for something, anything remotely amusing to write about. A couple of days ago, I decided this was my problem and decided that good things come to those who wait. Maybe like an unobservant bird flying out infront of a car winshield, something funny would smack me in the face and completely bewilder me. (I'm the bird.)

No. Not really.
Creativity is a stubborn little jerk.

I've even been on the prowl for a new TMFFS. But I think my friends have become hip to the fact that I exploit them on my blog because everyone stopped being crazy. Even the usual crazies have calmed down. & I RELY ON THEM.
The closest I've come to a new TMFFS is the fact that Pruscilla has been neurotically updating her statuses about how she is in love with only one *pacific* guy & everyone who disapproves can eat a bag of dicks. <--seriously, her language, not mine. I didn't think pacific was all that funny & kind of am beginning to feel bad for making her a recurring  character.
Also: both of my mom's ex-husbands wrote on my facebook wall to tell me happy birthday this past Sunday. My birthday is not until Sunday the twelfth. One of these ex-husbands was my dad.

But I guess I could give an update while I'm here & hope that you don't leave me but instead have confidence that my funny will come back.
So:
--I turn 24 Sunday. My plans are thus: gay pride parade downtown Saturday with Gaga. Dancing with the Fab4 (minus Krusts) that evening. Sunday: pool party and tequila. I will be serving smores, sausage, & bean dip. I will be providing only tequila and mixing agents and water to drink. It will be hot outside.
--I finished reading Tina Fey's autobiography, BossyPants today. I am more inspired by her than ever before. It was approximately 270 pages. I am approximately 270 pages behind in the reading for my Professional Responsibility course.
--I did not get kicked out of law school. And this is really a moment of pride for me so let me have it.
--I will start working on an immigration case this week for my internship. It's dorky but I am really excited each time I recieve a new assignment from my boss and just feel very fortunate that someone so influential believes in me.
--I am not sad about Mr. Flintstone & I breaking up. This is more upsetting to me than the actual break up, itself. Sometimes I force myself to think about him so I can convince myself that I am not a masochist and was actually in our relationship because I loved him.
--I want to write a romcom. I secretely plan to start work on this immediately and still manage to catch up with the reading prior to the final exam.
--My apartment is a mess. This is a problem because I plan to have people over in the coming weeks. I will need to shampoo the carpets, put the sheets back on my bed (I washed them a month ago & never replaced them), & clean crystalized dog urine off of my bathroom floor (damn Shakespeare marks his territory on my shower curtain everyday. I just leave it there knowing he'll only do it again), get rid of the garlic-y smell in our living area.
--Fran Drescher is getting a new show on TVLand in which she will play a middle aged woman who finds out her long time husband is actually gay. & ya'll KNOW I love me some Fran Drescher.  This news, combined with my excitement for the new season of Pretty Little Liars & FX's new show, Wilfred (ALL STARTING THIS MONTH) have me really enthusiastic for summer television. My very good friend today told me that if I liked BossyPants, I should watch 30 Rock. It's totally on netflix. Yes my dear friends, whilst other young ladies my age will be working on their beach bodies this summer, I will be rocking my couch body and watching excessive amounts of cable. & I'm not ashamed. I told this joke to my friend, who happens to be a handsome boy. His response? "haha, you can def do both." Which I think is boy talk for: "PLEASE take your lazy ass to the gym!" I told him I like to commit to one task at a time. Eye of the Tiger. True story.

Please Forgive Me.
Better things are coming soon, I swear.

& on that note, I'd like to quote my brother (except, the sentence I'm quoting is actually about Friday and not about creativity as I will use it; also, the spelling of certain words is changed to be less vulgar. Note my use of brackets to denote changes I've made):

[Creativity!] You elusive whore! [Come] to me!

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