Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Girl Crush

So the other night while watching a Jenna Marbles video, I realized: I would let her have me. *
(*IF I were gay. Which is a big if. But this if is nonetheless the premise of this post).

I feel I said way too much there in the parenthesis(es? plural?) but anyway.
Below is a list of women I'd either date, be, or both? I haven't quite panned this out yet. Let's see where this goes;

Jenna Marbles

Category: Date
Why: Because she makes me laugh. Which may not necessarily be hard to do but is important nonetheless.

If you have not heard of Jenna Marbles, look her up on youtube immediately. Then laugh. Then try not to make me jealous by making eyes at my girl. <--ha! jk.

The Cast of Pretty Little Liars *
* this is not limited just to the girls: I would date ANYONE, yes ANYONE, on that show.
Ezra Fitz? Yes, please.
But alas, I'm not here to talk about the men, but rather the ladies:

Category: Be.
Why: Because they wear insanely cool clothes, are surrounded by insanely handsome men, and live in a fake town that seems insanely cooler than everywhere else.

Whitney Cummings

Category: Be.
Why: I love everything that comes out of this woman's mouth. She's gorgeous, she's witty, she's rolling in cash as a successful comedian...etc, etc, insert additional praise.

Natalie Portman

Category: Date.
Why: Uber Intelligent, Amazingly Talented, Gorgeous, Funny. If you wouldn't date Natalie Portman, you have no soul.

Julia Roberts

Category: Both.
Why: I firmly believe that Julia Roberts is the Marilyn Monroe of our time. I can remember wanting to be just like Julia when I was a little girl watching Pretty Woman. Which probably calls to question why my mom let a 7 year old watch a story about a hooker giving BJs to Richard Gere but that's neither here nor there. I turned out okay.

Denise Huxtable

Category: Be.
Why: Because it was my life long dream until I turned 8 & realized you couldn't grow up to be another person. Dreams = Killed.

Tina Fey

Category: Both.
Why: Tina Fey is my idol. I have nothing else to say.

Marilyn Monroe

I had planned to stop my list at Tina Fey, but that would have been a bold-faced lie.
Category: Date.
Why: Oh, Come On! If you wouldn't bang Marilyn Monroe, then you don't love America, you Commie Bastard.

& finally:

Helen Mirren

Category: Be.
Why: I would sell my soul to the highest bidder * to look like Helen Mirren when I am her age, or really even just to look as good as she does when I'm 40. (*this is just a figure of speech.)

I feel like I've learned a lot about myself just now by pretending for the sake of this post to be gay. For example:
--If I were gay, I'd apparently have a thing for white girls;
--and funny girls.
--While coming up with the "why"s for this post, as you can see, I had a difficult time. This only reinforces the fact that I am no good at hitting on girls. & yes, I've previously written about this exact dilemma before.
--I can bang out a post that is a list in like half an hour. Yeah, be impressed.


  1. Have you heard Natalie's Rap? Freakin' hilarious.

  2. Haha yeah, I saw that! She's adorable!

  3. I just watched the Cooking with Sarah Palin video and almost died of laughter.

  4. Oh Em Gee, Jenna Marbles is TOO funny!