Wednesday, July 20, 2011

HBIC

Scene: laying by my friend, Kat's, pool at night, fully clothed...With Kat.

Me: So how's the law school application process going?
Kat: It's good. I wrote my personal statement the other day which I'm sure sucked.
Me: I bet it was great. Don't be so hard on yourself; I wrote my entire personal statement about growing trees. (This is, btw, entirely true).
What did you write about?
Kat: Well...did I tell you how I was living in a convent?
Me:...what? when?
Kat: Umm...from March until June. I just couldn't take living with my boyfriend and his family anymore, it was too crowded.
Me:... so you decided to be a nun?
Kat: what? No, don't be stupid. They let girls live there & the rent's pretty cheap.
Me: Well that's cool. How was that?
Kat: It was fine. The nuns were really nice. Except I didn't know that the Pope had banned the movie, DaVinci Code, & I would watch it every night before bed.
Me: Haha, were you ever caught?
Kat: No, but sometimes I wish I had been; I had the perfect response had one of the nuns caught me.
Me:  Let me hear it.
Kat: I'm sorry; the Pope & I aren't as close as we once were.
Me: I'm not going to lie, that was pretty good.
Kat: They also sent the Virgin Mary to live in my room for a week & I was like, "Well, she's the only virgin in here."
Me: You didn't say that. How did they send the Virgin Mary to your room? Like figuratively?
Kat: No. Literally. They put this five foot tall ceramic Virgin Mary statue in my room.
Me: ...do they do that to everyone?
Kat: I don't know. I don't think so. I think they thought something was wrong with me because while I was out, they always heard thumping noises in my room. You know how Catholics are. Turns out they were just hearing Squirt's shell knocking on furniture or the door frame. I guess I forgot to tell them that I had a pet turtle.
Me: Are you allowed to have a pet with you in the convent?
Kat: Probably not. When they found out it was just a turtle and not a demon, they seemed relieved but they told me I had to keep him hidden from Sister Superior. Whatever that means.
Me: Isn't that nun that's the boss of all the other nuns?
Kat: Yeah, the HBIC.
Me: Haha. *pauses* you know, we should probably cut this conversation short. I have a feeling God is severly disappointed in us right now.
Kat: Yeah & he already doesn't like you because your mom's a Jew.
Me: debateable, ma'am.

2 comments:

  1. Wow, I didn't even know that they let non-nuns live in convents.

    Non-nun looks funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yeah, I didn't know this either. It's deceiving!

    ReplyDelete