Friday, August 5, 2011

Chain Smoker Voice

Scene: At school, sitting in the court yard after class. Agnes, Gaga, & I are sitting around debating where to go for breakfast.

Me: Gaga, I was going to tell you something...
Gaga: ...Was it something sexy? Because I love it when you say sexy things to me.
Agnes: You say sexy things to him?
Me: No
Gaga: Yes. She does. & she says them in her sexy voice & she gives me her sexy look.
Agnes: Is her sexy voice a soft kitten voice?
Gaga: No it's a bit rougher.
Me: It's a chain smoker voice.
Gaga: Haha, maybe not that  rough.
Me: Haha!
Gaga: (In raspy voice) "[Gaga] I want to show you my tits."
Me: I've never said anything remotely similar to anyone.
Gaga: That's a LIE.
Me: When?
Gaga: At the river.
Me: ...wait, what?
Gaga: Yeah, you told me to show you my...John HandCOCK & when I said no, you said, "Oh, come on. I just want to see it.  It's okay because you're gay."
Me: Ha! I did say that!
Gaga: & then Fatty felt me up since I wouldn't show you guys.
Me: Oh yeah: I remember that. That was fun, that was a fun time.
Agnes: I've never been floating, is it fun?
Gaga: Yeah!
Me: SO much fun. We should all plan a trip once everybody's back. Like first weekend of the semester.
Gaga: Yeah! ...But no Malibu for you this time.
Me: Oh, yeah. That was a mistake.
Agnes: Wait, so you drink on the river?
Me & Gaga: *Gasp!*
Me: Why else would anyone go?
Gaga: That's dumb. Did you even think about that first? Of course people drink on the river.
Agnes: Maybe I shouldn't go then. When I get drunk I mostly just want to set things on fire. *widens eyes*
Me & Gaga: ...
Agnes: Hold on, I'm getting a call. (Steps away.)
Me: Let's leave her here.
Gaga: Don't be so mean.
Me: She is going to go Virginia Tech on our asses one day. & we'll get the worst part of it since we are the ones who made contact with her.
Gaga: She's not a wild animal.
Me: Honey Badger.

Gaga: She's not a honey badger.
Me: But no, seriously, maybe it's not such a good idea inviting her to things.
Gaga: Yeah... we should probably stop that.


  1. Wow, she really does sound socially awkward.
    In other news, Wahhhhh why don't blogger automatically update me on this thing anymore?!

  2. Hmm...have you tried un-following me & then re-following me? Maybe that will fix it.
    She's strange but she has the best intentions. I cut her a break every now & then haha