Friday, August 5, 2011

Chain Smoker Voice

Scene: At school, sitting in the court yard after class. Agnes, Gaga, & I are sitting around debating where to go for breakfast.

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Me: Gaga, I was going to tell you something...
Gaga: ...Was it something sexy? Because I love it when you say sexy things to me.
Agnes: You say sexy things to him?
Me: No
Gaga: Yes. She does. & she says them in her sexy voice & she gives me her sexy look.
Agnes: Is her sexy voice a soft kitten voice?
Gaga: No it's a bit rougher.
Me: It's a chain smoker voice.
Gaga: Haha, maybe not that  rough.
Me: Haha!
Gaga: (In raspy voice) "[Gaga] I want to show you my tits."
Me: I've never said anything remotely similar to that...to anyone.
Gaga: That's a LIE.
Me: When?
Gaga: At the river.
Me: ...wait, what?
Gaga: Yeah, you told me to show you my...John HandCOCK & when I said no, you said, "Oh, come on. I just want to see it.  It's okay because you're gay."
Me: Ha! I did say that!
Gaga: & then Fatty felt me up since I wouldn't show you guys.
Me: Oh yeah: I remember that. That was fun, that was a fun time.
Agnes: I've never been floating, is it fun?
Gaga: Yeah!
Me: SO much fun. We should all plan a trip once everybody's back. Like first weekend of the semester.
Gaga: Yeah! ...But no Malibu for you this time.
Me: Oh, yeah. That was a mistake.
Agnes: Wait, so you drink on the river?
Me & Gaga: *Gasp!*
Me: Why else would anyone go?
Gaga: That's dumb. Did you even think about that first? Of course people drink on the river.
Agnes: Maybe I shouldn't go then. When I get drunk I mostly just want to set things on fire. *widens eyes*
Me & Gaga: ...
Agnes: Hold on, I'm getting a call. (Steps away.)
Me: Let's leave her here.
Gaga: Don't be so mean.
Me: She is going to go Virginia Tech on our asses one day. & we'll get the worst part of it since we are the ones who made contact with her.
Gaga: She's not a wild animal.
Me: Honey Badger.

Gaga: She's not a honey badger.
Me: But no, seriously, maybe it's not such a good idea inviting her to things.
Gaga: Yeah... we should probably stop that.

2 comments:

  1. Wow, she really does sound socially awkward.
    In other news, Wahhhhh why don't blogger automatically update me on this thing anymore?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmm...have you tried un-following me & then re-following me? Maybe that will fix it.
    She's strange but she has the best intentions. I cut her a break every now & then haha

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