I spend most of my time worrying.
Worrying about the bar exam & how I'm not prepared & possibly lacking the discipline to become prepared by July,
worrying about job searching & new apartment searching,
worrying about my graduation party (my dad threatens not to come if he can't bring his fiancée, my mom threatens not to come if the fiancée is there),
worrying about my diet & lack of exercise & the implications these have on my current/future health,
worrying that my relationship is a dead end & I'm neither getting younger nor thinner BUT am becoming more of a shut in & thereby reducing my chances of meeting someone suitable,
worrying about why Shakespeare is always panting,
worrying about my thesis paper & all the other homework I've been neglecting,
worrying that my supervisor thought I was inadequate & wanting tougher assignments (& now that she's given me a tougher assignment, I worry that I actually am inadequate).
My current life is an endless sea of worrying.
If I'm not in class, I am probably sleeping or watching tv just hoping to drown out the endless chatter in my mind.
I think this is why it's so hard for me to post consistently here. It's tough to allow myself that kind of time to be with my thoughts. & if you need further proof, I'm writing this on my phone, from my toilet. So there's that.
But I want to be consistent.
To accommodate myself (?) at this juncture in my life, I've decided to only write long posts when it's not emotionally taxing & the rest of the time, to write shorter posts.
Like, really short posts.