Monday, July 1, 2013

Seriously This Time

When Solo & I met, he swept me off my feet. He came to San Antonio on a suffocating, hot day in May & blew my mind.

We just walked around and talked. It was nothing special. But at the same time, as the hours flew by that day, I remember feeling for the first time that maybe there is someone right for everyone and maybe I was lucky enough to be standing with the person right for me.

Things happened over the course of our relationship, two perhaps tumultuous years, that shook that faith for me. Haha. But I believed, and do believe, that what we had was special & it made the turmoil shall I say...worth it?

I regret nothing. I think we're both leaving knowing that the other really enriched our lives and changed the people we were for the better.

Solo, because of you, I'm not afraid.
The places I'd come from before you really tarnished my ideas of who I had to be to make a relationship work. I was afraid of showing someone I liked who I actually was. Afraid that if they saw me, all of me, they wouldn't like it.
But you saved me. You did.
You showed me that I can be my full self and still be loved.
I'm supremely grateful for that; it didn't just change the person I am in romantic relationships, but I was able to be more candid with my friendships and more honest in my relationship with myself.
Thank you a million times for bringing this light into my life.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, we tried.
I actually think it's the best way to go--we tried, we tried hard. We tried so hard it was consuming and exhausting and then we realized;
we love each other but it's okay that that, in itself, is not enough.

Recently, I saw someone post a photo of her husband.
The caption said, "We've been through so much and sometimes we hate each other and it's been hard but I wouldn't have it any other way."
I respect people who hang in there. I honestly do.
But sweet Solo, I want to thank you for not letting this be us.
I don't want either of us to talk about our relationship in a way where we feel obligated to acknowledge all of the dark behind it. I think we both deserve better.

You don't know it, but two years ago you really opened my heart to the possibility that I could be wildly happy with myself and with someone who could want exactly what I am. & I'm taking that with me with you to thank for it.

No comments:

Post a Comment