You may or may not know that I always, always have terrible new year's eves.
For as long as I can remember.
It's almost like, I want so much to have an amazing new year's eve that I jinx myself every year.
Last year, Solo was in a bad mood as we got ready to head to a friend's party out of town.
Then on the way there, he decided to stop at every conceivable chance to run an errand.
THEN to add fuel to already volatile situation, he invited his friend and his friend's then girlfriend (who were nothing but drama and were instigators in our horrible evening).
& I was really upset that we were going to be late and miss midnight and that by the time we got there, everyone would be drunk already.
We didn't miss midnight but we didn't kiss each other & ultimately, we got into an argument that ended with me sleeping in my freezing car that night to prove a point. What point was that? Apparently, that I was so mad I could sleep in my fucking car. Whatever, it was dumb.
I'm skeptical about 2014.
Actually, I'm sort of terrified about 2014.
It's the first time in my life where I don't know what I'll be doing from month to month. I've always been a student, even now as I study for the bar again, I know at least where I'll be through February. But the rest of 2014 is anyone's guess & I'd be lying if I said I wasn't super fucking uncomfortable with that level of uncertainty.
And as afraid of 2014 as I am, I'm pretty excited for tomorrow night.
I'm going to the same party I went to last year with the same people.
In the short time I've been in Austin, I've become really close to this group--made up of my brother's friends--and I feel really lucky to have been taken in by them. They amaze me with their senses of humor and kindness & it's even better to be able to spend so much time with my brother.
It's the first new year's eve in a million years (give or take) that I'll be single. Which, is probably a good thing since having boyfriends over the last several years hasn't really contributed anything positive on new year's.
& so, I guess what I'm getting at is: if tomorrow night is good (which I have a feeling it will be) but the rest of the year is shitty, that would still suck, but at least I'd be able to look back on those first few hours of 2014 warmly and remember how so many of the people I love were all together in the same room, having a good time.