Monday, January 6, 2014

Goodbye 2013

In honor of the passing of 2013, I decided to tweet 13 embarrassing facts about myself. Like so many photos posted of you with a dick drawn on your forehead after you passed out at a party, that you didn't see until the next morning, the damage is already done & there is no sense in hiding them now, having been several days since their original publishing.*

*They will mostly be the same format as they were on twitter, so if you are a follower of mine (1. Gob bless you),  please feel free to disregard. Later in the night, I came up with funnier things so some of my embarrassing admissions will be switched out.

13. When my cat yawns, I move my face closer to his mouth so I can smell his breath. I don't know, I just like it.

12. I once justified eating an entire bag of hershey's kisses with almonds in ONE sitting by using the foil wrapping in my 7th grade English project about Mount Olympus.

11. I have, AT LEAST, 3 Big Time Rush songs in my itunes library right now. Right now. I paid for them. I am 26.

10. The students I tutor once told me that they would pay attention when I'm teaching if I were pretty.

9. My mom tricked me into talking to her about my (embarrassing) sexual history once by pretending to help me fill out an application for health insurance.

8. I pick at my hair. Non-stop. I pull out loose strands of hair and roll them into balls. I actually get a kick out of how much hair I can collect and how big of a ball I can roll. These hair balls are everywhere, they don't all manage to make it into the trash & even when they do, sometimes the cat will find them and drag them out.

7.   The first time Crane & I hooked up, I queefed afterwards. It seemed loud to me and we were making direct eye contact. He never mentioned it...he was a gentleman like that.

6. I own several pairs of other people's underpants. This is because nearly every-other time I go away for a weekend, I forget to pack them & end up borrowing from a friend or relative. Once you borrow a pair of underwear, they are basically yours.

5.  Nervous laughter is so ingrained in who I am, I do it even when I text. lol :(
>& seriously, on this one, while I was part of this legal clinic at law school, we'd have mock days on Friday where we had to prepare and deliver part of a legal argument. I always laughed. Consequentially, I always got bad grades on mock day.

4. At 26, I'm still afraid of the dark. Though I only saw Paranormal Activity (the original) once, & mocked it the whole way through, my fear of the dark has caused me to cautiously tuck the covers over and then under my feet each night so that I don't get dragged out bed by the foot like that girl in the movie.

3. I wore a ridiculously low cut dress on New Year's Eve & tried to solve my possibility-of-nip-slippage problem by
    (a.) covering my nipples with lime green painter's tape; &
    (b.) placing silicon bra inserts (commonly referred to as chicken cutlets) over my breasts.
In case you were wondering why I'm still single.

2. I had dinner with Solo before heading out and before we parted ways for the night, he commented that my breasts looked weird, prompting me to remove one of the chicken cutlets and slap him with it.
Again, in case you were wondering why I'm still single.

1. Recently, my cat has been climbing into the tub while I'm taking the bath. He crawls onto the driest part of my body and just chills. I have not tried to stop him.

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&, in case you were wondering: this New Year's Eve was the best one I've ever, ever had. I promised myself that I wouldn't make judgements about the rest of the year just based on this one evening, but I can't help it. I'm really looking forward to the rest of 2014.

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad that you had a good NYE =] And also, I agree with the psychic lady, even though I'm not psychic -- things will be okay. You just have to believe that they will be okay. I'm here for you! Even if only through encouraging comment. <3

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