Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I work with children now.

A painful blog confession: since failing the bar (and resuming my bar exam studies) I've been tutoring sophomores in English at a local high school.
I took this job thinking it would be an after-school gig, leaving me ample time to study, but then found out it was full time and the thing is...I like having money so I kept it. Plus, the way my superiors pitched it to me was too delicious to resist; the school is a tier one school (meaning, at least 80 percent of the student body are living below the poverty line) and the students I work with are underperforming on their state standardized exams (which, having myself failed the bar [in case you somehow forgot since reading the introductory line of this post], I currently relate to).
How exciting! I imagined I was the Michelle Pfeiffer to their dangerous minds. I was going to walk up in that bitch and be all like, "Yo' education is important; it's a means of socio-economical mobility, it's a privilege, the ability to communicate effectively is the most important skill you can cultivate!" & I have said those things, repeatedly, to the students I work with, but their response has unyieldingly been one collective, resounding "fuck off."
After the first several rejections, I was still like, "I'm Michelle fucking Pfeiffer, goddamnit, I got this! I'm going to inspire some young minds and shape them into responsible young adults and voters!" But nah, that didn't happen.
I did notice, however, that coming back from Christmas break, where all of my girl students were bare-lipped before, at least half of them wear lipstick everyday now, & I'm so the Michael Jordan of wearing lipstick, so there's that.
Anyway, now I mostly just yell at them for doing ass-hole stuff in class.
For example, I always see them snap-chatting selfies to each other in class. Yes, two students, in the same class room, sitting at a max 7 feet from each other, sending each other selfies.
& I was like, "Hey, you don't have to send her a picture of how bored you look in class. She's IN THIS CLASS! If you would both look up from your phones for a second, you could look directly into each other's bored faces."
& one kid was like, "But it's different, Miss.*"
(It should be noted that to them, I am always Miss. I worried, when I first got this job, that the students would look me up on the internet and find all the humiliating things I've written on the internet, but my fears were put to rest when I realized that learning my name is more mental storage space than they are willing to spare.)
This kid takes a picture of the student sitting across from him & on snapchat, draws a large penis ejaculating onto the student's face. Then he sent it to several other students. "See, Miss? It's better than looking at each other! Way better!"

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