Basically my inability to navigate my complex new layout has demanded that I re-write something about myself for new readers or for those who may just be curious.
& also, I like writing about myself. That's why I have a blog.
A few things you should know about me:
--I like infomercials.
They appeal to two of my innermost desires; the desire to shop, and the desire to be lazy.
But more than that: I love the part where people have a hard time finding a way to conveniently store their tupperware; or the part where someone decides that staying warm would be much easier if blankets had sleeves; or the part where the housewife is losing her shit frosting dozens of cupcakes & decides that frosting one 20 pound cupcake would be so much easier. Ok, I'm not going to lie, I own several sets of aquaglobes because that shit WORKS and orchids are pains in the ass to water. But aside from that, infomercials remind me how lucky I am to not have such difficulty with everyday tasks that I have to buy something to remedy it (with the exception of plant watering, obvi). I'm saying that they remind me of all the things I'm good at. They remind me to enjoy the little things in life & I think that's important.
--This blog is not a lie.
I want to say upfront I'm not the kind of person to write a scholarship essay about how much of a crazy fuck my mom was when I was growing up & how that taught me about over coming adversity and perseverance. I'm more likely to instead not to get a scholarship based on the fact that my essay was about how I once went to jail and my cellmates threatened to gang beat me if I ever came back and how that taught me about accountability. I want to go on the record & say that I've more or less written this essay before. But what I'm saying is I don't want anyone to think that I'm a liar for my lack of desire to post depressing stories. I'm a person, if you use your deductive reasoning you'll find that I have problems. I just choose not to write about them. Or, when I do, to keep it fun. I don't have a problem talking about my life, I just feel like reading is something you should do for fun. If you're here reading my writing, I want you to have fun. I want to keep things light.
Light and disease free.
--I'm from the school of the hard-knocks.
I'm pretty sure that's not a real place but I meant this in a metaphorical sense anyway. I fumble through life making mistakes like I'm getting paid for it. Most of the time, I look back and laugh at myself (admittedly, sometimes I cry first). I turn these misguided efforts into stories. I learned a long time ago that my gift in life is making mistakes and then having the ability to come back and tell people what not to do.
In some ways, I liken my existence to a parody of tragedy. The overall point being, we're all laughing & I'm cool with that.